Stewie is one of us.

Just caught this and thought it was pretty funny:

Friends

First off, why is everyone sending me emails and not commenting on the blog posts?

Secondly, I got an email from a guy that read my posts and he said that he was sad for me because I don't have any friends here and that nobody understands me. So let me clarify...

I know I kind of have a pessimistic attitude in these blogs, but really life isn't so bad. I wrote about how my dad backhanded me when I suggested he sleep with men...but really, since the fourth grade butt spankings, nobody has ever laid a hand on me.

I eat dinner every night.

My room has electricity (clearly I can blog each morning).

Life isn't so bad.

And I have friends. I have a really close girl friend (two words) named Mary. She lives two houses down from me and we were friends in elementary school and middle school and we'd be a hell of a lot closer if I wasn't going to stupid St. Paul's.

Mary is Peruvian, super-gorgeous, and tall. I think she should be a model. But she's always talking about how she'd rather go to college and then law school. Yawn.

Aside from Mary, I hang out with mostly kids that go to McClintock High School. St. Paul's kids are annoying. Not very many of us at St. Paul's are actually happy to be going to school there, but as Mary said, who really enjoys school anyway?

So I have friends. Just none at school. And my parents aren't so bad...just stupid when it comes to the whole gay thing.

Mr. Dreamy

I've got a thing for smart guys. A guy can be a 6 out of 10, but then when I see that he's reading a book, he'll automatically get pushed up 2 points.

Needless to say, there aren't a lot of guys at my school that are "intellectual." For the most part, everyone is either (A)stupid or (B)hoping to impress the stupid by acting stupid.

That's why I've turned most of my attention to Mr. Norby. Don't get all grossed out...he's not a super-old teacher. He's like 20 something...he's my US History teacher. Of course his name isn't really "Norby" I changed that because if he googled himself and found his name here on my blog I'd die.

I'm not all "How Can I Seduce The Teach" or anything. I just think he's really handsome and he's smart. And funny. And makes learning history a bit more enjoyable. Like right now we're learning about the great depression and last thursday he kept singing a song that goes like "brother can you spare a dime" and he kept turning his pockets inside out.

He's also cool because every Friday we do something called "controversial issue" where he has a mini-basketball and he starts a conversation on a controversial topic (last week was capital punishment) and he throws the ball at kids and they have to tell the entire class their opinion on the topic.

Arizona is stupid because there are all these dumb kids that were raised in pro-gun, anti-choice, pro-death penalty, pro-war kinda households...and the kids just regurgitate whatever their parents believe. Two weeks ago Bryan Perkins got all emotional when we were talking about abortion...because killing is always wrong. But then when we were talking about lethal injections, you could see he was salivating.

Fuckers.

In an unrelated note, i got an email from Benoit Denizet-Lewis...the guy that wrote the NYTimes article I blogged about yesterday. What's up Benoit? Thanks for the words of encouragments.

I also got an email from a Belgium dude named Kevin that wears a sweet-ass headband! Yo Kevin!

Keep the emails and comments coming. I like to know that someone is reading this stuff.

Coming Out In Middle School

Yikes. I just read this article from the New York Times about kids in middle school coming out of the closet.

If I wasn't forced out of the closet a few months ago when my parents found my "stash," there is no way in hell that I would tell them. Not now.

I know, because I read gay-positive blogs and I read articles from the advocate, that the gay community tends to call people in the closet weak or whatever. But my parents know I'm gay, and it's made my life really tough.

I got sent to a therapist. My parents don't trust me to do anything on my own. My mom lets me play soccer and do the academic techathalon team...but she thinks that show choir or school musical takes up too much of my time.

My dad told me that I couldn't possibly know that I was gay because I had never tried sleeping with a woman. When I told him that he couldn't possibly know he was straight unless he tried sleeping with a man, he backhanded me.

Coming out in middle school opens gay kids up to criticism from adults (the most damaging kind)...when a boy tells his parents he has the hots for another girl, they are encouraging. But if that same boy tells his parents he has a crush on another boy, parents question him...they say it's just a phase. It's not fair.

Here's a piece of the article:

I heard similar accounts from those who work with gay youth all across the country. Though most adolescents who come out do so in high school, sex researchers and counselors say that middle-school students are increasingly coming out to friends or family or to an adult in school. Just how they’re faring in a world that wasn’t expecting them — and that isn’t so sure a 12-year-old can know if he’s gay — is a complicated question that defies simple geographical explanations. Though gay kids in the South and in rural areas tend to have a harder time than those on the coasts, I met gay youth who were doing well in socially conservative areas like Tulsa and others in progressive cities who were afraid to come out.

My experience is the opposite. None of my friends know. Only my parents. When I read this part of the article I started thinking, "Would I trade? Would I rather have one or two friends know instead of my parents?" And truthfully, I can't tell you for sure that I'd prefer someone at school to know.

My favorite part of the article is this:

"Still, the younger they are when they come out, the more that youth with same-sex attractions face an obstacle that would be unimaginable to their straight peers. When a 12-year-old boy matter-of-factly tells his parents — or a school counselor — that he likes girls, their reaction tends not to be one of disbelief, dismissal or rejection. 'No one says to them: ‘Are you sure? You’re too young to know if you like girls. It’s probably just a phase,’'' says Eileen Ross, the director of the Outlet Program, a support service for gay youth in Mountain View, Calif. 'But that’s what we say too often to gay youth. We deny them their feelings and truth in a way we would never do with a heterosexual young person.'"

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine if kids used words like "nigger" or "chink" or "wet back" to describe something stupid?

I hate how guys keep calling each other faggots when they do something stupid. I guess language evolves...I get that. Just think of what "dumb" meant a long time ago.

I heard Dan Savage talk once on the topic, and he said that homosexuals needed to embrace the "that's so gay" stuff. Because if gay people stopped acting so offended by the "that's so gay" comments, we'd be taking away all the power that the ignorant people have when they use it.

I hung out with four friends today after school in the library computer lab. We were just looking at myspace and stuff...and they kept calling each other "fag" and "faggot." I laughed like it was funny...but really it's not cool. I wish I had the balls to say something about it.

Friday.

Tomorrow is Friday. A lot of people get excited about Fridays, but to be honest I don't have too many friends that I hang out with any more.

I don't want to sound like an annoying kid that always complains about his parents, but ever since my parents made me transfer to St. Pauls, I don't have friends like I used to. I like to hang out with one kid from school, his name is Robin. WHo names a boy Robin, btw?

But he's cool. And cute. But I haven't told him exactly about the gay stuff yet.

Anyway, back to the whole FRIDAY thing...god I've got such an A.D.D. thing going on, huh? Well a lot of other kids have big weekend plans. They have sports. They have hobbies with their folks. I have...well I do homework and watch a lot of TV.

Before "the incident" as we will call it from here on out, my dad liked to hang out. In fact, I used to have to avoid hanging out with him. Now I feel like he doesn't even care to spend time with me. Maybe I'm just being a girl. Maybe my anti-social, anti-family ways turn him off to even trying. WHo knows.

Anyway, I'll probably be blogging this weekend because I don't have much else to do. I started a twitter too: http://www.twitter.com/carterdafarter

Stupid name...I know. But, is anyone even reading this? If so, follow me on twitter and comment here with your twitter name so I can follow you too.

I'm not nuts...I just like them.

So I just read my first post, and I wanted to clarify that I'm not nuts...even though I told you that I go to St. Paul's. Which is a school for people with I-S-S-U-E-S.

When my parents found out that I liked boys, they sent me to a therapist. It was fucking stupid because the therapist totally helped me become comfortable with the whole gay thing. And my parents paid for this shit. And then the big finale was when my parents came to a session (this was all totally planned) and with the help from the therapist (love you marcy!) I told my mom and dad that i was gay.

My parents were mad. They said that me being gay was a "defiant behavior." What the hell. So I should just go back in the stupid closet and lie about everything some more?

Whatever.

I'm not crazy. Just gay.

But to my parents, I must be crazy to like guys.

And god damn parents have a point...wouldn't life be easier if I was allowed to go to McClintock High? Wouldn't it be easier if I didn't have to have crushes on boys that want to kick my ass if I look at them for too long?

Fuck yeah. I must be crazy.